She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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