Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
