is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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