So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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