im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
