How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
