the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
