It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize