it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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