This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
