Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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