covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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