im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
