I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize