Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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