No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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