one two three fourrrrnication!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
