You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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