I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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