how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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