I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
