Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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