he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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