did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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