The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
