the condom got lost in my hair
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
