Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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