I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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