The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
