Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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