Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
