Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
