no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
