so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
