woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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