You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
