Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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