i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
