I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
