Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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