This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
