Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
