Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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