You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
