Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
