What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
