Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
