there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
