She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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