Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
