I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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