1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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