Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
