I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
