You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
