Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
