i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
