I'm lost and stupid without you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
