Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
