Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
