im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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