Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
