Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
