its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
